I have strange visual hallucinations sometimes but the ones that confuse me the most are the ones that come when I am out in public.  On certain days, EVERYBODY looks like someone I know.  I have to slow down and look really closely at each face.  Sometimes they morph back right before my eyes to a stranger. I am not saying they look strange.  They just no longer look like someone I know.  Usually by that time, I have already given a hearty “Hello” and get odd stares from the stranger. Other times, I never get close but I think the person can tell I was staring and they simply walk away. 

Then there are the times when I look and distinctly see someone I know.  I get almost giddy with the chance to say hello.  Sometimes people may mistake it for genuine affection and confused because we were never close in a way that should trigger the reaction I have.  But it is such a treat to me when I see something familiar and it is actually there.  I want to hug the person or people.  I am a hugger by nature.  If I am a feeling hypo-manic, I just want to hug them really hard and it isn’t always appropriate.  Then there are the days when I see people and I cannot place it no matter how hard I try.   I wish I had a better filter on my reactions.

If I am on a downswing in my moods, I may avoid eye contact because to be wrong and hug a stranger would be beyond weird for all of us.  I totally doubt my eyes and try not to look around at all.  Once again, it isn’t you.  It is my mind and the tricks it plays on me.  Moods and stressors also play with my hallucinations so I could be totally out of sorts at the moment.  I mean no offense.  I simply am not sure if you are there.

So, if you see me at the store or in the car next to you, come up and say hello.  It is possible I do not mean to stare or ignore you.  I am just not sure if you are really there but would love the chance to say hello and give you a hug.  Take care out there. You never know when I may be staring at you next.